On the move….

Things are coming together.  I made a trip to Deer Country with intentions to sign a lease.  T and I got on the road.  The first place we saw had “The Shack”(the book) appeal.  Very old, dirt road.  No bueno.  The view was interesting, across the street was a river where people kayak or float using inner tubes.  Not a feature on my must have’s list.  The second place had funny ceilings, and a stove about the size of a water cooler.  By the time I got to the 5th place, T and I were overjoyed at the sight of nice hardwood floors.  Indoor/Outdoor carpet seems to be what’s up.  I kinda hate it.  I felt good in this place…like it could be home.  It was definitely more $$$ than I wanted to spend.  For example, for a one bedroom it cost more than a 3 bedroom that we saw, but sometimes it be’s like dat.  A major bonus was that I have a 6×10 storage unit, an onsite laundry room, and a cute picnic style backyard.  Oh and how could I forget, my heat is included…that’s big.  It’s walking distance from my school, but most of the properties I checked out were as well.  I feel relieved that this is checked off of my to-do list.

T had the stank face at first step inside the first property until we got to this one.  Then her face glowed! She started getting all chatty with the landlord.  She likes the idea of us moving into the 2bdrm duplex when it times for them to join me.  Oh yeah…that.  The girls are going to stay with R for the school year.  They will both graduate from their schools this coming school year.  It didn’t feel right to pull them from their graduating class to come to Deer Country.  Plus, I hear that the first year is a killa.  It’ll definitely be a good thing to be able to focus 100% on me and acclimating to a new learning style/environment.  I’ve prayed about it, and it feels like the right thing to do.  I have to come to terms with releasing the reins on some most things, and letting R do what he feels is best as a temporary custodial parent.  This is going to be very very different for me.

Back to the 2 bdrm, next August a 2 bdrm will be available, and T was trying negotiate us taking it over.  It’s a nice duplex unit.  It has a slider door to the backyard.  It’s VERY expensive.  She has it priced where two students would split it.  It would be ideal if I didn’t have to make a major move, but again it’s expensive, so I’ll cross that bridge when I get to it.

Now I’m researching moving companies.  It’s SOOOOOO expensive!  God has been so good.  In the over a year that I’ve been out of work with NO unemployment benefits, I haven’t needed to borrow a dime from anyone.  That’s a blessing.  That may very well be changing.  Can I borrow a dollar????

 

 

SCORE!

Bird has nagging me for months about getting piano lessons.  My brother is a natural, as my grandmother was.  Early last year he agreed to give her lessons.  He doesn’t read music, but he can hear a song and then play it.  When the girls were 4 and 7 I signed them for lessons.  It was great.  Bird enjoyed playing but she had little patience for twinkle twinkle little star. After that semester, I had little time to keep up with taking them to classes, so we stopped. The mystery is me never finding the keyboard that they practiced on.  I can’t say that I’ve seen it since 2006.  Crazy huh?

Fast forward to now, and he  finally put her on his calendar for Saturday evenings.  Great! Except, we still don’t have a keyboard.  My mom was like “well, I guess she’s not having a lesson.”  The horror..especially after all this time.  I had to come through.  Keyboards can be costly.  I decided to do a quick scan on crai’gs.lis-t.  I found an ad for a “basically brand new” keyboard, with a “name a price”, it must go this week, descrip.  Ooooh *bright eyes*  I called him up and he spoke as if he was just about to call me back.  Apparently he’d received alot of calls.  I readied myself to start at $50 and stop at $60.  I ain’t got no job!  Nervously I decided to ask what he was looking for.  He asked if $30 was ok.  *EYES STRETCHED*  Uh, well…uh sure…when can I pick it up, you’re not going to sell it to anyone else right?  We agreed that I would pick it up on Monday morning, although he was cool with me coming right then.

I delayed because I needed someone to come with me.  Preferably a guy.  Who am I to go pick up a random, possibly non-existent item from a strange man who placed an ad on Cra’igs-li.st, no less??????  Ya’ll do watch the news right?  You will not hear about me being cut up into bite size pieces and stuffed under a crazy man’s floorboards.  Not the kid!

My insides didn’t feel right waiting until the next day.  It was super bowl, but taco preparation had to wait.  I wrestled R into going with me right then.  I called and rambled “I have to pick you up right now to get this keyboard for Bird because she’s starting her lessons on Saturday after *insert brother* has taken forever and I don’t want this dude to sell it to anyone else, or kill me.”  Forty minutes later I was headed home from Harlem with a basically brand new keyboard in hand.  It would have driven me to insanity if this deal slipped through my hands..seriously.  I’m THAT anal about sales.

This post was inspired by Pserendipity.  Rock on Aidan!

Busted

Less yelling and screaming,less threatening, less 5 finger contact.  I’m talking about Miss. T. I don’t match her ‘tude with my own ‘tude, or her roll of the eye with my piercing eye.  I let her stand there looking like a bobble head.  It’s been working.  T is a big girl.  In the end, my pressure isn’t through the roof, and I feel like I have a better handle.  Although she still needs to be disciplined, I don’t want to take this girl to the streets.  She’s become de sensitized a bit.  Not only that, it’s the silent storm that makes her shiver.

Last night there were some issues.  I woke her up at 10 because 25% of the dishes that I told her to do were still in the sink.  Again, no yelling; very matter-of-fact.  Around 10:30 I went into her room and saw her scramble to close out the the website she was on.  It was t-wi.tter.  Of course I went in and made myself comfortable.  I asked her what page she was on, and obviously I was speaking japanese.  I confiscated the adapter for the monitor. (Due to the apt’s wiring the computer has to be in their room)

In the summer T asked me if she could have a FB page.  I said no.  She’s asked on other occasions as well.  I don’t think she needs one.  So as much as she tried to play coy, I knew, and she knew that I knew, she had no business using t-wi.tter.  I DON’T EVEN USE T-WI.TTER.  When you start to insult my intelligence it provokes me to eye squinting, finger pointing half an inch away from your eye, speaking through clenched teeth in a low tone form of wrath.  I snapped out of it, and invited her into the living room.  I had to get to the bottom of it.

I have real concerns about kids using these sites.  BOYS! I know that alot of kids do use FB and t.wit-ter.  I see some of my friend’s kids on :side-eye:  As we hash it out, she’s emotional and shares that she feels left out when her friends talk.  She wants to keep in contact with people that she once socialized with in school.  The truth is that so many adults are immature and reckless on FB.  How can kids be trusted to use it properly?  I don’t want her involved in mess.  I’m very protective of my girls, as I should be.

As I gave my “be a leader” and my “I didn’t have this, why do you need it” speech, my heart softened.  Aside from her hormonal acts of defiance, T is a very good girl and I’m blessed.  I may need to give her some slack.  I’ve known kids who were held tight, and then went buck wild at the first sign of freedom.  Balance.  This situation gave us another opportunity to have honest and open communication.  I would like to believe that I not only heard her, but that I listened as well.

I created an email address for her.  This picture thing seems to be a big deal.  When she wants to share a pic, it’ll go through me.  She doesn’t have access to uploading pictures anyway.  She’s still 12, so when she turns 13 in May she’ll have one.  I will have total administrator authority.  I’m not even sure if she’ll have the password..hmph.   That t-wit.ter page will be shut down.

Lord help me.

Salon Stories: Hair Healthy edition

I usually have braids in Bird’s hair. During the spring I got her hair pressed a few times. She has a very tight curl pattern. I remember when she was a baby she had so much hair, so dense…good luck finding her scalp. The older she’s gotten the drier it’s gotten. I’ve struggled finding the perfect regimen for her hair. What works for me or T doesn’t really fly for her. I started using blue magic’s coconut oil (grease right?) on her scalp every few days and I noticed a difference.

Recently I noticed that she has breakage right about where I’d part it if I were doing a half and half style. I don’t understand it but now I have to change up again.

Alot of y’all have boys, easy breezy. I know NerdGirl has her hands FULL!

Bird and I are gonna work this thing out.

Back To School

Why did I wait until now to do my school shopping with the rest of the losers?! *eyes stretched*

Thank God for Zappos. I love that site. I ordered shoes for Bird yesterday at 2ish. Mr. Brown just rang my bell. They’re the best.

Yesterday I bought Bird 18 pairs of school tights. Why? Because she comes home every day with a hole. She is by far the roughest little girl that I know. I need more tights.

T is all set, except she wants a sling bag for school. Everyone should have a new bag for back to school right? Agreed. However, I am NOT running around the world looking for a particular bag. Hear me out. We’ve been to a bunch of stores, and we’ve not seen “the bag” along the way. Which means who knows where this bag is. I’m not doing it. Why do I feel guilty? ugh

The girls start school tomorrow (Wednesday), and then they’re off Thursday and Friday for the jewish holidays, starting a full week on Monday. They have school one.day. this week. I think it’s the most retarded thing.

I start class tonight. I almost forgot. I had to steal one of T’s spiral notebooks..lol

Fall then Spring and then I’m done. WOOOOOOOOO

Roscoe at it again

So I’m outside with Bird letting her ride her bike. I was just finishing up a convo with my mom. I bought a flat screen for my bedroom last week (do y’all believe in bedroom tv’s?). I’m thinking of returning it because it takes 14* full seconds for it to get a picture. Yes, I counted and that’s a long time.

Bird comes over and hears me badgering my mother to count the seconds for hers and call me back. I end the call and she challenges me saying that it’s 8 seconds. Who’s talking to her?? I put on my “who do you think you are – I know what I’m talking about” mommy look.

Bird: “whatever you say princess” and turns away.

You know I got up and choked her as hard as I legally could right?

*edited to read 14 instead of 12. I used a stop watch. I’m anal like that…uh huh.

checking in

Hey my blog homies {{hugs}} I needed that.

So this is the last week of classes, and I finished my last lsat lesson last week. I feel like a load has been lifted. Normally Iwould have registered for my summer classes by now. This semester wore me out. It pains me to even think about what my next courses should be. Thank God its over. I’ve decided not to take the June LSAT. I’m not ready. Studying for this test requires way more than I realized…even with not having a full-time job. Ive not had the time to go over questions repeatedly…which is key in doing well. I’ve not been scoring anywhere near what I’d like to score. Originally I figured I’d take it in June, and then again in October if I didn’t score as high. At this point I already know what the outcome is going to be. The new plan is to work it over the summer…probably take the course again and then test in October. If necessary I’ll re-take in December (thumbs down).

I’m praying that I won’t have to go back to work until January, if at all. I’ve a new interest that may give me the income I need. So right now my summer looks like this

• Re-take LSAT course and continue studying for October exam
• Explore new career opportunity
• Take one 2 credit class (8 weeks)

I think I can handle it.

In other news I’ve been having a difficult time emotionally. When I read about bret.t.mich.els. brain bleed a couple of weeks ago it sent me into an emotional tailspin. He had the same kind of brain hemorrhage that I had. The following week or so I had a dream that I knew I was going to die so I told a friend my wishes. Next I was preparing to tell the girls. In my sleep I was extremely emotional and it was just gut wrenching pain knowing that it would hurt them. I woke up very upset. I don’t know if you watch Pr…iv…atePra..cti..ce. If you saw the season finale you may have been distrubed as well. One of the characters Dell was in a car accident. Initially he seemed to just have a few scratches. Later in the episode they found out that he had a brain bleed, the plan was to operate and they seemed as optimistic as they could be. It was late in the night, but he requested that his daughter come to the hospital..she was maybe 5 years old. She laid with him on the bed talking to her (her mother died last season). He said that he knows when her mom passed away that sucked and that if anything should happen to him that would suck too, but she should know that those are the worst things that will ever happen to her. She has people that love her..etc…

They operated and they could not control the bleed. He flatlined and I screamed no. I sat in the living room alone wailing. I was a mess. Everything was just alll too close to home. Him telling his daughter…the brain bleed…all of it…I felt absolutely terrible. I’ve been feeling really bad on and off since then. I shared this with my girlfriend and she suggested that I start getting my paperwork in order and also have a talk with the girls. Last night I had a talk with T. When I started talking she wanted to know why I was telling her these things. I explained that it would just be good for her to know in case anything happened. I told her that if anything should happen she would live with her Dad during the week and visit Nana on the weekends so they could go to church. I explained to her when people die the bible says that they are asleep, and when you have committed your life to Christ death is not forever. He promises to raise those who are asleep in him when He returns. I told her how I felt when my grandfather died. I wanted her to know that yes it hurts, but that I would want her to move beyond the hurt so that when she thought of me she would smile instead of cry. I shared that I’d like to be cremated and we even laughed a bit…it was really good. Afterwards my heart felt much more at ease.

Later that evening I texted my mother to share our talk and she was not happy. She sarcastically asked if I sent her to bed crying. We exchanged a couple of more texts. I asked if she was unhappy about it, and she didn’t answer. We speak daily and I still haven’t heard from her. I’m glad that I did it. I’m not conceding to death, and I’m not trying to be morbid, but I have been really feeling badly lately. I need some sense of peace.

I’ve also felt like I’ve been unsupported medically. I’ve been in love with my neurologists since he came on board. For years I’ve felt like he saved my life. Over the past few months I’ve been having issues with the new seizure medicine that I was prescribed. It’s not working. I would call and days would go by with no return phone call. I’d never had this problem with him before. I’d been blaming his secretary who I believe is an idiot. It didn’t seem as though she was giving him my messages. He was contacted when I was hospitalized…I called again after I was discharged. He had his physician assistant call me to find out what I needed. He never called me back. That has felt like a big letdown. When I think of him I saw him as MY neurologist. For years I’ve looked at him like the man who saved my life when other doctors were baffled. Well it is what it is now. There’s a season for everything I suppose. On Friday I’ll be meeting with a neurologist. I’ll see if I’m comfortable with him and how much experience he has with patients with a similar history.

Weekend Turnout

My brain forsakes me and my memory follows suit.

My mother had been talking about her choir and the live recording they were having for months.  I purchased my ticket and knowing her daughter well, she reminded me several times.

T had been pressing me to allow her friends to come over for a sleep over…she had to settle for a lil party.  We’ve scheduled a few but due to punishments and restrictions they’ve always been cancelled.

Knowing that we were moving she put the heat on double blast.  She really wanted to entertain in the apt we’re in.  I agreed the following Saturday that she could have her party.  The stipulation was that I wasn’t paying for a thing.  Ner soda, or chip.  Call me mean? No…extras should be earned.  I’m not a ATM and especially during this time I just don’t have it.  I did purchase her invites.  So she was excited…she made a list of who would bring what. 

It wasn’t until Thursday when my mom sent me a picture text of her earrings for Saturday that I realized I double booked myself.  When I told my mom she was sooo disappointed.  My brain…my brain.  My god-sister agreed to chaperone the kids for a couple of hours so that I could catch the beginning of the concert.  It worked out…except the concert was supposed to start at 6:00, but not until after 7:00 did they start.  Why must my people be this way??? CPT at its finest.  I stayed for as long as I could and headed out.

When I got there the party was in full swing.  She had about 8 girls and one boy *eyes stretched* that showed.  They all greeted me at the door * Hi T’s mom*…hugs all around.  They had a good time.  The party was scheduled from 6:00-10:00pm.  Just before 10:00 one of her friends got a call from her mom.  I overhead her saying you don’t have to come now.  I thought “the hell she doesnt.”  It was time for an announcement “Party is over at 10:00, ya’ll ain’t partying all night.” *eyes stretched”  Shortly after the parents started showing up.  Except Ms. Thang’s mom.  I asked her what time her mom would be coming, she said “she’s on her way“…15 mins later she says “Oh she’ll be here in 15-20 mins” I was like “you said that 15 mins ago.”  Her mom didn’t get there until 10:50.  Where they do that ‘et?   I was pressed to catch an 11:00 showing of Bk’s Finest.

Has anyone seen the movie…what did you think?

Bamboozled indeed

I just read over at Nerd Girl’s spot how she was hoodwinked.  Bird did THE SAME THING about a week or so ago.  I finished dinner and put her plate on the table.  She was busy watching tv when I asked her to come sit down.  Then I made a comment saying “don’t you see the commercials that say we should eat like family?”  She starts pouting and walking slow talkn’ ’bout but we’re not a family becuz Daddy’s not here.  *GASP*  I explained how there are different families, but inside I was crushed.  How could she not see T and I as a whole family??

I prodder her more and then she started to blush…when I see her cracking I ask what is going on…she says “I was just kidding I saw it on XYZ.”  I wanted to STRANGLE her. 

Bamboozled indeed

Frazzled!

Good Morning? NOT, but I am claiming that it will be a better day.

The girls get up before me in the morning. I need all the rest that I can get and Miss T is slow, like get up at 4:30am slow. Bird is not as slow, but since R comes so early Miss T wakes her up at 5:30 so she can get herself ready. I have her clothes laid out and Miss T takes care of her own.

Around 6:20 Miss T passed me the phone and it was R saying that he’s been late the past couple of days and that Bird wasn’t even dressed. Apparently she was woken up but decided to snooze. smh I told him that I’d drop her off. Ten minutes later I wonder why Miss is still primping in the mirror.

I called R to see if he was downstairs and he tells me that he left. WHAT?!?!? When we were married it always felt like I was speaking greek. I said that I would take Bird…not T…she was dressed. He swears I said I’d take “them”, so too late..he left. Now I’m on super crunch double time to drop off Bird and then Miss T at her friend’s house. When she doesn’t get a ride to school they travel together. I told T she needs to find out the bell number because I wouldn’t have time to wait for her to be buzzed in. I instructed her to call me when she gets inside.

I hi tail it after the drop-off. I realize that I’m not going to catch my bus. I drive a few more miles to another stop closer to manhattan in an effort to make up time. That works…I catch the bus when I realize that T hasn’t called. Now I’m worried. Did she make it upstairs? Was she pulled into another building? Did someone grab her into a car???? I call her friends’ number. It goes to voicemail…2ox! Why don’t I have this lil girl’s house number? ugh I google the crap outta her mother…NOTHING!

School doesn’t open until 8:00am. I have to wait until then to verify if she’s in school. 8:00am rolls around…the woman who answers wants me to call back in 45 minutes….uh….No. Please and Thank you. A couple of minutes pass and someone else confirms that she went upstairs with her teacher. Thank God. I can’t take this kinda stress in my life. A introduction is coming to Bird for thinking she has snooze liberties. T is gonna have to explain why in the WORLD she didn’t call.

Looks like I’m going to have to break down and purchase her THIRD cell phone charger. I have to be able to get in contact with her.

Did I mention it’s raining?

How’s your morning?