Daddy does Friday, Nov 6 2009

I shared with my co-worker yesterday that at 2:50am Thursday morning fire fighters were in my hallway making a whole lotta noise.  It startled me and I leaped up half delirious/half  panicked.  Thankfully it really wasn’t an emergency.  When I was like 7 yrs old I vividly recall a fire being one my biggest fears.  Why I carried that weight at that age who knows.  I strategized in my mind having a suitcase ready with my favorite clothes and dolls in it just in case.  Sharing that memory made me also recall feeling really protected as a kid — for a time.

My father was a cop and my mother is a nurse.  I would lay in bed and pluck my eyelashes out.  That’s not at all relevant, but it just came to mind and I can’t believe I used to do that; to the point where my eyelids were raw.  Ok, so back on track…I analyzed that I was protected because my father was a cop and he would protect us, but if anything SHOULD happen my mom is a nurse so she’ll fix it.  My critical thinking skills were developing way back then.

Unfortunately, I grew up without the stability of feeling that my father would protect me.  He wasn’t around.  That has had a profound effect on how I handle situations.  Although my mom was around,  she wasn’t the protective one in my head.  She was the healer.    So if something happened in school I went hard advocating for myself…fights in school…debates in class.   The reality is I’m thin-skinned, but I will protect myself at all costs and others who I believe also need defending.  I wonder if he chose to be involved if he would have seen that trait in me and molded me to have a more secure protective layer knowing that he wouldn’t be able to be around all the time, yet knowing that I would need it.  I think that’s what Dad’s do.

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Letter from Roscoe Thursday, Nov 5 2009

I was greeted by this on the dining room table last night when I came home from school…..tired.

 I’mma need Bird to get off my  back…lol.  I’m not even sure what she’s talking about.  Ok…I may have not reviewed her work Monday night.  I think it was because they didn’t have school on Tuesday and they were in chillax mode.  The bad news is I forgot to give her $ for the book fair this morning…but she did too, so who’s fault is that??  Huh?? *sigh*

I did check her work last night.  I made a few highlightss that she corrected this morning. 

The girls REALLLY keep me on my toes.  I think I do a good job, but they are great about reminding me of things that I may let fall through the cracks simply because there is just soooo much on my mind. 

Just yesterday T reminded me to remind her pick-up that she won’t be out of school until 5:00pm due to Xmas show rehearsals.  I really do appreciate those reminders because I would surely forget.  Her pick up would arrive at 2:55 and then I’d have to apologize profusely.

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My 2 cents Friday, Oct 30 2009

That B12 vitamin is the B.Izness.  I feel a NOTICEABLE difference when I take it.  I say go get that.  I purchased it from Vita.min Shopp.e

What kind of mascara do you wear? I normally where Lancome Definicils…it’s great, but a lil on the pricey side.  I decided to try Stiletto by May.bel.line.  I’m not impressed…not even a lil bit.  You would think with a name like Stiletto! Thumbs down…I like full lashes and this is just a tease.

I purchased Deva Set it Free over the weekend.  When I first used it on dry hair I hated it.  It felt very tacky, but when I woke up I had good, shiny, defined curls.  I even got great results on 2nd day without re-twisting. 

I used it again Wednesday night.  This time I deep conditioned my hair and applied it to my wet hair after I rinsed out the conditioner.  I LOOOOOVE IT!  I’m working on 3 day hair right now, without re-twisting AND I got a hair compliment this morning…can you believe it?  This is a keeper.

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His voice Wednesday, Oct 28 2009

Last week I was a bit shook up at work when I received an email from my office manager.  I had already received my evaluation so it couldn’t be that.  My mind went to the worse case scenario.  People have been getting laid off here and there…quietly.  At that moment I said to God…”you didn’t tell me about this”.  

I was 18 years old, and  I worked for a very small stationary company as an accounts payable clerk.  There was alot of crap that went on in that office.  People yelling and arguing back and forth.  It made me so uncomfortable.  I stayed because my mother told me to just ignore it, and I knew I had a bigger goal.  I remember bringing home $210 every week.  I was RICH! 

I got ready for work that morning, sitting on the edge of my bed I reached for my underwear drawer and God said “You’re going to be fired today”.  I did a scooby doo “ahruuuuu”…I let it sit for 3 seconds and then I continued getting myself together.  When Mr.  Unz called “Kelly…come here” it hit me again and I knew what was coming.  I wasn’t on probation…I had never received a warning….I hadn’t screwed up anything, but I knew what was coming.  The whole way home I kept saying to myself “I KNEW IT“…I was amazed.

It was 2005.  I had to drive 30 mins (w/traffic) every morning to bring the girls to school.   They loaded in the back seat – knowing the rules they buckled up.  I was getting myself situated when God said “You’re going to be in a car accident this morning”.  No scooby doo this time, but I let what I just heard marinate for 2 seconds.  I then turned to the girls and said “Are your seatbelts on?” They said answered yes and I said “are you sure?“  T raised her brow at me…she was 7 years old…not much as changed.  I insisted they pull their belts tight just to be sure.  My seatbelt was secured, but I thought “well let me pull my seat back…if the airbag deplows I don’t want my face to get messed up“.  I did all that and then set on my way.  I dropped the girls off at school and then headed to where I park the car so that I could jump on my bus.  I was 2 minutes away from my parking spot.  I headed towards my green light when I was slammed into by a car trying to make a quick left turn before I reached the intersection.  Her timing placed her front fender right where my front tire and door were.  With my head resting on my steering wheel I said “This is it“. 

I had taken extra precautions when I heard the voice, but it wasn’t a dark cloud weighing over my head.  I wasn’t waiting for this major car crash to come, but here it was.  We both walked away unharmed.  There was damage to my vehicle, but it was repaired.  I shared this account with someone once and I was asked “well why did you drive that day?“.  I drove because I wasn’t told NOT to drive…I was simply warned.   However, if I had not driven that day how would I know that that was really His voice speaking to me?  How would I know that His hand that purposefully kept me from harm?  How could I build on my personal experience that He knows the beginning from the end and that sometimes he’ll let me in on what he knows, so that I can understand that He’s got my back?

There have been several times when I’ve had similar occurances.  As a result of my experiences I have become very careful when I hear His voice cautioning me.   I encourage you to develop your ear so that it is in tune with his voice.  God speaks.

It wasn’t the worst case scenario, but I am NOT happy about the change.  I do know that He has my back come what may.

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B12 Wednesday, Oct 21 2009

I just purchased today.  I’ll give a proper review in a week.  Something has to give.

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Weekend Turn-out Monday, Oct 12 2009

My massage was a big disappointment. It wass my fault tho…I didn’t request the guy who rocked my world.  This woman talked through it.  I pointed out a cut on my ankle so she’d be careful…she asked me how I got it, I explained I got it during my excursion in Cancun.  Then she asked if my vacation was expensive..smh.  When I was trying to relax I heard her stomach grumble.  Every so often it seems as though she was gasping for air…was she asthmatic?  I kept wishing it was over.   She sat on the edge of the table a few times.  She had no real technique other than just rubbing.   Unfortunately, for me it was a waste. 

I had a mouse in my house…I won’t tell you how I screamed and carried on, and I won’t tell you that when I took my mom to embark on her cruise the girls called me in sheer hysteria.  I also won’t mention that I was secretly glad that I wasn’t home.

I will say that the guy that I’ve been getting to know saved the day.  The girls jumped ship…they were like “We’re going to Daddy’s house and not coming back until it’s gone“  I don’t blame them at all.  I have a cat named Boots.  Boots was about her b.i.zness, but this game was taking too long.  Before my friend left last night I had him do some more checking.   He killed it, I was glad and then he felt bad. Oh well.  IT’S DEAD and now I can rest easy.  Rest easy is just what I did.  So much so that I woke up an hour late this morning.  I didn’t even rush.  I took my time.  That rest was much needed.

On Saturday my girls got baptized.  I was  SUPER PROUD MAMA! We’ve had a crusade going on at the church for 3 weeks.  The first week they asked parents to bring their young children.  I took the girls up…I didn’t realize it was for baptism.  T wasn’t having it.  I talked to her for a bit about the importance of this decision.  She listened and said no..so I left it alone.  The following Sabbath, she said..”Mommy I’m going to get baptized next week”.  I gave her a BRIGHT smile..and she said “don’t smile at me”…lol.  So Sabbath came…Bird decided she wanted to do it too.  We were in the back so that they could change into their baptismal robes.  T started to feel anxious and she wanted to renege.  Anxious went to panic with her shaking her head saying no.  Then she says to me “I’m not ready…you made me do it” *insert OH NO YOU DIDN’T JUST SAY THAT face*.  I leaned in and said “I never forced you to do this…we talked about it..you said no and I left it alone”.  “But I kept thinking about it” “Well if you were thinking about it then that is the Holy Spirit speaking…is the Holy Spirit STILL speaking to you?” *silence*  I then asked Bird if she still wanted to do it if T didn’t do it.  She got very emotional and cried in her hands. She didn’t answer, but her actions told me that she really wanted to do it, but she wanted to do it with her sister.  I left her alone with her thoughts and I prayed for her.  At the end of the service she was ready.

(I cut the video short because afterwards I couldn’t get any footage past that dang blue blanket.  I later found out that sometimes when they go down womens underparts are exposed so they use the blanket for privacy.)

T was SOOOOOO HAPPY! She kept saying “I feel sooo goood! I’m soo happy we made the right choice!”  Bird was happy as well.  As a mom I was overwhelmed with joy.

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Foot-in-mouth Monday, Oct 5 2009

Friday night R’s sister called from ATL to say hey. I hadn’t spoken to her in awhile so I was happy to hear from her. I asked her about her pregnancy. Then I wanted to swallow my own tongue when she said she lost the baby. Not only that, but it took her a couple of mins to believe that I REALLY didn’t know.  I had to ask her if you did tell me, then what was my response?? THEN she realized that she hadn’t spoken to me.  She spoke to R and told him to tell me.

She went on to tell me what happened while I listened quietly.  I just kept thinking…”It SUCKS to be me right now”.   I felt awful.   She says she’s doing fine.  It happened awhile ago so she has had some time to deal…the hubby took it harder.  Geesh.

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Flying Solo Friday, Oct 2 2009

How comfortable are you doing things, and going places alone? Have you ever gone to the movies alone? Have you vacationed or flown solo? What about dining at a nice restaurant?

I’ve gone to the movies alone plenty of times.  In 2005, I vacationed in the Bahamas solo.  I was so excited to go, looking forward to the much needed r&r.  I must have heard “why are you going alone” fifty-leven times…cuz I want to…that was usually my response.  It was true, but besides that I wanted the experience AND I had been let down times before with people saying they would go somewhere and then cancel.  There would be none of that, cuz ain’t nobody else invited! I have a friend that LOVES to travel alone.  She goes to Vegas alone…Atlantic.city…wherever, and she has a great time.  She suggested that I go the essence.fes.tival solo next year.  I’m thinking.

The first couple of days I did a good occupying myself with water sports and laying out poolside.  I also took the opportunity to do a lot of self reflection.  It hadn’t been a year yet since R and I separated.  I was still in alot of pain. 

The night activities or lack of them sucked big time.  One night I decided to make a reservation for one of the upscale restaurants opposed to one of the casual.  I got all dressed up and purty.  I was seated…alone…smack dab in the middle of the restaurant.  I was SOOOO uncomfortable.  It felt like all eyes were on me….”why is she alone“.  I didn’t know what to do with myself. Look to the left..to the right? Stare forward…can’t stare there to long…that’s rude.  Fold my hands…on my lap…on the table…no elbows?  Uh, that night could not end soon enough. 

The end did come and my waiter must have thought the same thing; when I was about to leave he told me what time he gets off, and invited me to some shack…lol…uh nah…I’m good!  By day 3 I had my fill, by day 4 I was ready to bounce…5 days was too long, but I’m glad I experienced it.

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This lady…. Thursday, Oct 1 2009

…doesn’t have any friends! lol

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My style is just that Tuesday, Sep 29 2009

I’m a frilly, ruffle, bow tie, cardigan with a skinny belt kinda gal.  I’ve always had my way with trends.  In high school name brand baggy jeans was the stamp of fashion approval.  I wore the baggy jeans, but I’d wear it with a button down shirt and a tie.  I thought I was the biz!

Recently I had an experience on FB.  My friend posted pics of a few of us ladies hanging out after work.  One of her friends made a sarcastic comment about the pic saying that my flower is “HUGE”. 

I, in turn said it is huge and that if she wanted to borrow it, it’d go great with her ears.   It ticked me off…but I didn’t want her know that she got under my skin…I just wanted to jab back a lil.   Shame on me…to let a lesser get to me in the first place.  She’d have no advice to offer anyone considering on her best day she gets her pieces from racks that sit outside the store on the sidewalk.    Then I made it very clear that she and Em are friends….and we are not.

Afer that I second guessed my HUGE flower choices.  I like huge flowers, but I wondered if they were an offense to the masses..lol.  I later read a post that TBS did on the dramatic corsage. I felt back in my glory again.  Vindicated if you will.  The Huge flower isn’t for everyone…nothing is.  Lesson learned? Never let a lessor heffa make me second guess me.  We ain’t the same kinda people. 

Saturday, I decided I would wear a royal blue suit that I hadn’t worn to church in a while.  Normally, I wear it with a brooche.  Instead I opted for a Huge flower!

My flower swing is in full effect.  I did a lil something different today.  I’ve not paired either of these items together before.   I wore my sheer sleeveless plum shirt with a turtle collar, paired with a yellow cardigan, and grey slacks.  My fave part is the flower accenting the black skinny belt.

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