I shared with my co-worker yesterday that at 2:50am Thursday morning fire fighters were in my hallway making a whole lotta noise.  It startled me and I leaped up half delirious/half  panicked.  Thankfully it really wasn’t an emergency.  When I was like 7 yrs old I vividly recall a fire being one my biggest fears.  Why I carried that weight at that age who knows.  I strategized in my mind having a suitcase ready with my favorite clothes and dolls in it just in case.  Sharing that memory made me also recall feeling really protected as a kid — for a time.

My father was a cop and my mother is a nurse.  I would lay in bed and pluck my eyelashes out.  That’s not at all relevant, but it just came to mind and I can’t believe I used to do that; to the point where my eyelids were raw.  Ok, so back on track…I analyzed that I was protected because my father was a cop and he would protect us, but if anything SHOULD happen my mom is a nurse so she’ll fix it.  My critical thinking skills were developing way back then.

Unfortunately, I grew up without the stability of feeling that my father would protect me.  He wasn’t around.  That has had a profound effect on how I handle situations.  Although my mom was around,  she wasn’t the protective one in my head.  She was the healer.    So if something happened in school I went hard advocating for myself…fights in school…debates in class.   The reality is I’m thin-skinned, but I will protect myself at all costs and others who I believe also need defending.  I wonder if he chose to be involved if he would have seen that trait in me and molded me to have a more secure protective layer knowing that he wouldn’t be able to be around all the time, yet knowing that I would need it.  I think that’s what Dad’s do.

I was greeted by this on the dining room table last night when I came home from school…..tired.

 I’mma need Bird to get off my  back…lol.  I’m not even sure what she’s talking about.  Ok…I may have not reviewed her work Monday night.  I think it was because they didn’t have school on Tuesday and they were in chillax mode.  The bad news is I forgot to give her $ for the book fair this morning…but she did too, so who’s fault is that??  Huh?? *sigh*

I did check her work last night.  I made a few highlightss that she corrected this morning. 

The girls REALLLY keep me on my toes.  I think I do a good job, but they are great about reminding me of things that I may let fall through the cracks simply because there is just soooo much on my mind. 

Just yesterday T reminded me to remind her pick-up that she won’t be out of school until 5:00pm due to Xmas show rehearsals.  I really do appreciate those reminders because I would surely forget.  Her pick up would arrive at 2:55 and then I’d have to apologize profusely.

Part of the reason why I share the details of what I go through in my daily life is because I want you guys to challenge me…to hold me accountable to those things that I say I’m going to do, or not going to do…be it in my personal relationships or my school/career aspirations.  So many of you inspire me for various reasons.  

The other reason I share so much is because I know one day it is going to be a joy to look back, once I’ve attained some of the things I aspire to.  Often times people don’t realize what others that have had to overcome to get where they are…they just see the blessing, but not the struggle. 

Stumbling blocks are a given especially when you are reaching towards the prize at the top.  I shared my experience the other week with needing to take this addt’l class.  It puts me at an 18 credit course load this semester.  As I mentioned, the fact that the Campus Director offered financial assistance made the pill a bit easier to swallow. 

Last week Thursday I was leaving school when the same woman who told me that I HAD to take this course stopped me.  Long story short in her very own style of tacky she told me that I needed to clear with financial aid so that I could take the course.  I countered with “No…Dr. Campus Director needs to take care of that”.  Ms. Waste of Oxygen said “No…that offered was rejected by the Dean“.  Was it her place to reveal that to me…she didn’t make the offer in the 1st place?  At that point I could have allowed my pressure to rise.  I shrugged and said “Ok, well that I guess that means I can’t take the course…that’s a no brainer” and I walked away.  She stood looking at me like I had 3 heads. 

What I have not shared is that I have an outstanding balance right now of $1,062.  My financial aid award should have covered all of my classes.  Something went awry, so this is what I’m left with.  My education is important so this will be dealt with, but it is another blow.          

Fast forward to last night.  I ran into Dr. Campus Director…I didn’t mention my discussion with Ms. Waste of Oxygen.  I asked about her original offer and it still stands, she even mentioned giving me books for next semester.  All should be in place by Wednesday.  It’s a good thing I recognize a waste of oxygen when I see one.  Why bother conversing with her when she has no final yes or no to offer.  Yup…stumbling blocks.           

I will be greasing her palm  showing my appreciation for her assistance.  I heard she loves breads.           

 What is at the top of your mountain?

Saturday night I let T host a “Girls Night In”, and they had a great time.  They bobbed for apples…that was hilarious.  Rest easy knowing that each girl had her own bowl…just the thought…eeew.

It was so nice to have an extra hour of sleep…it would have been even better had I actually used it.  We were up early Sunday to go visit an old friend who lives in PA now.  It’s been a few years since I’ve seen or even really spoken with her.  We caught up and she fed us real good.  Then I remembered how annoying her husband is.  You know how some men will grab a plate and then head out to the man cave….well not him.  He’s like he’s vying for attention “ME ME ME” and he talks so loud.  So whenever she was speaking about something that he wanted to add to he’d just start talking crazy loud, then she’d go up like 100 decibels without skipping a beat! crazy.

She gave me some sofrito of her homemade sofrito…I can’t wait to add it to my dishes…yum.

They have joined this sales company and of course they gave me the pitch.  I thought it was very interesting.  After I do some research I’m going to poll you guys to get your feedback.

So me and that guy that I was getting to know…that’s dead and stinkin’.  We got into it a lil bit after he sent me a text asking if I’m interested in him.  First of all, what is a grown man doing send me a text to discuss something like that? Immediate turn-off.  I asked “what have you given me to be interested in? “Yes I want a christian man, but he needs to have a personality.  Everything that came out of his mouth was “praise the Lord” and while I’m not knocking that…what else do you have to offer??  I was just waiting for him to show me the nails in his hands and tell me he’s Jesus! He’s so heaven bound that he’s no earthly good.   I’m done.

I’ve really never done Halloween.  Growing up in the Bx most of the good kids had some fears around this “holiday”.  Girls were concerend about having eggs thrown at them, or Nair hair removal thrown your hair.  It was expected to see a bus go by that was just riddled with eggs.  The extreme cases were fights.  Now with these gangs it has gotten so out of control.  I’ve been hearing rumors about the gangs hitting up certain middle and high schools to jump kids.  How does a “holiday” incite such violence?

How was Halloween when you were growing up? How is it now?

That B12 vitamin is the B.Izness.  I feel a NOTICEABLE difference when I take it.  I say go get that.  I purchased it from Vita.min Shopp.e

What kind of mascara do you wear? I normally where Lancome Definicils…it’s great, but a lil on the pricey side.  I decided to try Stiletto by May.bel.line.  I’m not impressed…not even a lil bit.  You would think with a name like Stiletto! Thumbs down…I like full lashes and this is just a tease.

I purchased Deva Set it Free over the weekend.  When I first used it on dry hair I hated it.  It felt very tacky, but when I woke up I had good, shiny, defined curls.  I even got great results on 2nd day without re-twisting. 

I used it again Wednesday night.  This time I deep conditioned my hair and applied it to my wet hair after I rinsed out the conditioner.  I LOOOOOVE IT!  I’m working on 3 day hair right now, without re-twisting AND I got a hair compliment this morning…can you believe it?  This is a keeper.

Last week I was a bit shook up at work when I received an email from my office manager.  I had already received my evaluation so it couldn’t be that.  My mind went to the worse case scenario.  People have been getting laid off here and there…quietly.  At that moment I said to God…”you didn’t tell me about this”.  

I was 18 years old, and  I worked for a very small stationary company as an accounts payable clerk.  There was alot of crap that went on in that office.  People yelling and arguing back and forth.  It made me so uncomfortable.  I stayed because my mother told me to just ignore it, and I knew I had a bigger goal.  I remember bringing home $210 every week.  I was RICH! 

I got ready for work that morning, sitting on the edge of my bed I reached for my underwear drawer and God said “You’re going to be fired today”.  I did a scooby doo “ahruuuuu”…I let it sit for 3 seconds and then I continued getting myself together.  When Mr.  Unz called “Kelly…come here” it hit me again and I knew what was coming.  I wasn’t on probation…I had never received a warning….I hadn’t screwed up anything, but I knew what was coming.  The whole way home I kept saying to myself “I KNEW IT“…I was amazed.

It was 2005.  I had to drive 30 mins (w/traffic) every morning to bring the girls to school.   They loaded in the back seat – knowing the rules they buckled up.  I was getting myself situated when God said “You’re going to be in a car accident this morning”.  No scooby doo this time, but I let what I just heard marinate for 2 seconds.  I then turned to the girls and said “Are your seatbelts on?” They said answered yes and I said “are you sure?“  T raised her brow at me…she was 7 years old…not much as changed.  I insisted they pull their belts tight just to be sure.  My seatbelt was secured, but I thought “well let me pull my seat back…if the airbag deplows I don’t want my face to get messed up“.  I did all that and then set on my way.  I dropped the girls off at school and then headed to where I park the car so that I could jump on my bus.  I was 2 minutes away from my parking spot.  I headed towards my green light when I was slammed into by a car trying to make a quick left turn before I reached the intersection.  Her timing placed her front fender right where my front tire and door were.  With my head resting on my steering wheel I said “This is it“. 

I had taken extra precautions when I heard the voice, but it wasn’t a dark cloud weighing over my head.  I wasn’t waiting for this major car crash to come, but here it was.  We both walked away unharmed.  There was damage to my vehicle, but it was repaired.  I shared this account with someone once and I was asked “well why did you drive that day?“.  I drove because I wasn’t told NOT to drive…I was simply warned.   However, if I had not driven that day how would I know that that was really His voice speaking to me?  How would I know that His hand that purposefully kept me from harm?  How could I build on my personal experience that He knows the beginning from the end and that sometimes he’ll let me in on what he knows, so that I can understand that He’s got my back?

There have been several times when I’ve had similar occurances.  As a result of my experiences I have become very careful when I hear His voice cautioning me.   I encourage you to develop your ear so that it is in tune with his voice.  God speaks.

It wasn’t the worst case scenario, but I am NOT happy about the change.  I do know that He has my back come what may.

I went to the spa for a 90 min aromatherapy massage on Sunday.  I was in the magical hands of my dude Sass.  He did all he was supposed to do and more.  If he could hear my thoughts I wonder what he would say?  Would he feel the same way about me that I feel about him?  He worked out places on my neck that I didn’t know exist and that’s when I felt for sure…he is my future husband…he’s GOT to be! lol  I’ll be back on 11/29.

Are ya’ll watching Amazing Race???  That guy is wayyyyy more patient that I am.  I woulda been in a bad way with Suzie Q after not going down the blasted slide!  It IS Amazing Race…did she not think she’d encounter heights on the show??

I went to see “Good Hair” and took Bird along.  There was some profanity that I had to shelter her lil ears from.  I enjoyed it.  I laughed…a lot.  I was a bit disturbed and the scalping ceremony.  The hair show was uh…interesting.  I came away thinking that I’m in the wrong industry.

Have you seen the movie? How was ur weekend?

I am a planner.  I sit down and meticulously map out what I have to do to achieve xyz.  I’ve shared with you my plans to take x amount of credits for the upcoming semesters so that I can reach my target graduation date.

Last night me and another woman were called out of class to meet with an advisor.  When we reached her office she had paperwork already set out on her desk for us to sign. *eyes stretched*  She proceeds to tell us that we need to take a class starting Monday night.  I sat back calmly, yet defiantly and told her I can’t do another course right now…I’m already taking 16 credits.  Without a bat of her eye or a break in her stride she says “You have to“.  There is absolutely nothing I hate more than to be told or forced to do something…especially when I have good reason as to why I can not do it. 

My response to her was “I have a full plate right now…is there any flexibility because I can’t“.  She says “Well you can’t graduate without it, you can drop one of your other courses and take it next semester“.  “I’ve always had a lot of respect for this woman, but why is she bringing up graduation issues when I have several semesters to tackle before I reach that plateau??? *breathe*  “I.can’t”  Seeing that we were at a stalemate she left the office, and returned with the campus director.  GREAT!

She comes in with all of her bobble head animation “Kelly…what is it?  You have to take this course now…you just have to” *note that that really wasn’t a question; no one gives a sam hill as to why I can’t take it*  I’m silent.  Then she whispers “If it’s financial don’t worry…I’ll give you a retention”.  I resigned, and she left with a directive for me to email her in the morning. 

I sat down now so frustrated and overwhelmed that my eyes filled with tears.  I PLAN!!!  This was someone elses’ oversight that I didn’t have this course by now.  No I can’t drop what I already have and take it next semester.  Next semester I’ll be attending an LSAT prep course that’ll have me in class two nights a week…a weekend included, and taking 12 credits at the college.

It became clear to me that this was a crack down.  They were audited and now they have to do damage control in order to be in compliance.  It just sucks for me that now I’ll be away from home and the girls an extra night.  All of my other responsibilities that are already vying for time will now be condensed into one less day.

I’m not complaining…now.  I’m really just sharing.  I’m going to roll with the punches and do what I’ve always done, and give it my all.  I’m going to do my best to grow octopus arms because clearly I’ll need it.  I’ll buy stock in red bull because buying a lifelong supply to carry me through this semester…the stock is sure to rise!